Category: Dating and Relationships
This isn't my own thought. I got it in an email and thought it was an interesting question.
There comes a time in every relationship or dating situation
when one or both people wonder "Where is this going?" Some
need labels right away - are they dating? Just friends?
Boyfriend and girlfriend? While others are more content to
just let things roll. For some, though, the need to know
where the relationship is headed can take on a life of its
own. While still dating, one might ponder even bigger
questions like "Will we get married?", "Will we have kids?",
etc. And sometimes, this need for definition gets in the
way of the actual relationship. Let's discuss...
I for one think that we as a whole don't date anymore. Dating in the traditional sense of the word meant that two people went out to get to know each other, with no strings attached, or labels. Sometimes it was in a group or sometimes it was just the two of them. This was a time to get to know more than one person and jealousy existed but because the two were friends with no labels, mabey it wasn't as much of a problem. That was just speculation. The label doesn't really become important until both commit to date each other exclusively In my view.
i'm a firm believer in DTR (defining the relationship) talks. I think that once both parties come to an understanding about the relationship, the labelling can begin. Nem, i agree with your view as well.
I agree. After a certain amount of time, I think it's good to know where the relationship is going and where the parties stand.
Haha, I probably shouldn't really be posting here. I'm the sort of person who's insanely preoccupied with labels where relationships are concerned. Not right off, but within a fairly short amount of time, I really, really, reeeeaaaally need to know exactly where we stand and what we are and all that. I can never quite make myself believe someone would want to commit to anything serious with me until they flat out say as much. I dunno why, that's just me.
I think "labels" are important. But, communication will make those labels clear. If that communication isn't present, then there's no point in labeling, because there really is no relationship to speak of.
Ah labels. those things that apply to all walks of life. Usually I think labels are horible. I do agree though that if you are gonna put a lable to it, then have it be real. AKA if there is no comunication, then there is no relationship, hense no label. And let's not get into the different types of dating, etc. I realize dating isn't like this, but a label generally (in my opinion), makes it so that one is judging another on a preconceived motion on which may not be true at all.
John
I don't think a relationship should go click by click and fit into certain labels. I believe it should be defined, yet allowed a sliding scale and be allowed to go backward if one is uncomfortable and see how things work.
Although I agree that it is important to know where a relationship is going/is at, personally for me it is hard to have a label and really look like that's what it is. For instance, I'm really not the type to show my emotions easily when it comes to romantic or sometimes general affection, I mean like terms of endearment, saying I love you, that kind of thing. (I hardly even do that with my own family, not that I don't love them, because I do like to spend time with them, but as far as physical and verbal affection, I don't do it much.) Anyway, with the 2 relationships I had, both guys had wanted to know like very soon after we became girlfriend/boyfriend whether we were still together. I honestly thought it was weird because we had agreed just a short time ago to be together, but maybe to them it didn't feel like it because I wasn't doing or saying what they expected: I was hoping we could just communicate more in general. At the same time, it was more (to me) like they were more interested in the affection part and not as much in the general conversation stuff. So, I don't know. I would think it's important to know where the relationship is/is going, especially if one or both partners is wanting to take it I guess to another level or feels like it may not be going anywhere and just wants to know/discuss it, but in the beginning, I think you should give it some time before asking that question specifically. However, again, there should be good/plenty of communication both about and not about the relationship. Don't know if that made any sense, but yeah, just my opinion on this. *smile*
Backwards? I don't think I have seen a relationship progresse and then revert. erm, lets date exclusively, then six months later, lets, date again? Couldn't you work out your differences or end the relationship? A relationship which flows into one aspect of it and just as easily flows into another? Scratches head. That's a new one on me.
Lap it up
Nem-
I think labels only matter when you start dating someone exclusively.
When my b/f and I had our "I like you" talk back in December, we agreed to hold off dating exclusively until I finished school in April.. But the way things have turned out, we're comfortable where the relationship is going. We're dating for the sole purpose of finding out if we would be a good match for marriage.
We did have a defining talk recently: we are dating (and we use the terms boyfriend and girlfriend to make it less confusing for all who are curious), but we are both very clear that ultimately marriage is our goal. If the relationship fails, then we know we weren't a match.
Something which no one has touched on. I feel that verbal effection, physical effection and general conversation all are keys to makeing a relationship work. It has been said that women are emotional and like to be held and that to. This is true for a guy with the exception that guys aren't suppose to say this is what they would like from there girlfriend.
I honestly believe that though you can know that someone loves you, sometimes it is nice to be verbal and physical about showing that effection also.
John
I agree. Hearing "I love you" can mean so much, but being able to say it is just as important. Sometimes you just can't hold it in and you need to say it, whether or not you hear it in return. But, if you are comfortable enough with your self and your relationship you can be un-selfish and let your partner know how much you care for them, with out absolutely expecting to hear it in return. If we spend our entire time in our comfort zone, waiting for the other person to say it first or give some sign then we are being selfish and not entirely honest. If we are so afraid of rejection or disappointment that we hold back from sharing our great love with our partner, potentially denying them the support and encouragement that saying "I love you" can give then we are being not entirely selfless in the relationship. Oh, yes, and I agree. It is entirely true that men desire to be held, cuddled, encouraged, loved, and at times made much of. We just live in a culture where it is "uncool" for men to truly be sensative, gentle, caring, emotionally needy and reciprically dependent beings. That is really a shame. This culture has continually told men, "Nice guys finish last." "Real men don't cry" and that is just not true.
It doesn't really matter to me.